Rocky IV confused me like it has never confused me before. It's been years since I've watched any parts of the movie except for the epic battle between Ivan Drago and Rocky Balboa and Rocky's corresponding speech that united two nations, tore down a German wall, banned Cuban cigars from the US of A, and, of course, caused China to start growing their future Olympic athletes in labs and train them to cheat in gymnastics.
Okay, before we get into the whole fall of communism, which is what everyone knows about this movie, I think it's time we talk about how truly awful of a movie this is. Everyone says Rocky V is the worst. Um, no. Rocky V is awesome because Rocky is all of a sudden mentally retarded (twist!), his son aged ten years between movies when all Rocky did was fly back from Moscow (also, his son started to hate his now retarded father when the fourth one ends with them mouthing their love to each other via television), and their is a street fight with a real life AIDS victim. AIDS is bad and people who have it should be beat up in alleys by Sly Stone.
But Rocky IV. No, Rocky IV is the worst Rocky. One is a legitimately great movie. Two is just sort of there. Three had Hulk Hogan and Mr T before they were Hulk Hogan and Mr T. Five had everything I just mentioned. Six finally killed off Talia Shire (off screen) and gave Rocky a love interest that wasn't awful. Talia Shire is so awful.
This movie starts with a birthday party for Rocky's (Brother-in-law?) Pauly. What do they get Pauly? A robot! Because it's the 80's, and the rich own robots! Robots were great in the 80's because you could reprogram there voices to sound like seductive ladies and it wasn't creepy at all.
No lady voice yet, but it will come.
Now, here's a summary of the character development in this movie: Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed start the movie, and they are old. They lament this fact right before fighting each other in one of their basements away from all the fans because Apollo just wants one more fight. Rocky tells him it's time for them to move on. Luckily for Apollo, he doesn't have to move on because a Russian is coming to town!
This being the 80's, the Russians were completely evil. Their boxers were so strong and filled with hate that our American boxers did not want to fight them...except for Apollo Creed. But Apollo did not take the fight seriously...
...and died.
I mean, is it any wonder that Apollo Creed got punched dead in this movie? If I visited you all the way from Russia, and I wanted to have a real boxing match with you, and you entered on a giant, flaming bull head whilst accompanied by James Brown, I'd kill you too. I wouldn't even bother punching you forty times. I'd shoot you in the head.
What's great, was that the Russian really wasn't doing anything wrong up until the point he killed Apollo. Drago was just tough. Then he said, "If he dies, he dies." Russians. Heartless. Vodka. Equal wages for all. They just did't care about Americans or our well beings in those days.
Back to the character development. Right before the fight between Apollo and Drago, Rocky told Apollo he was crazy to fight. He was too old. He could die. He needed to change. He needed to stop fighting. Apollo refused his advice and then died. He should have listened to Rocky. Rocky should have known he was right. So what happened next? Rocky decides to fight Drago himself...in Moscow...on Christmas?
He didn't leave for Moscow without first telling his son to feed his robot (isn't it Pauly's robot?) and "acting" at the funeral. Rocky realized he needs to reflect on the last three movies of his life, and he's about to leave when the awful Talia Shire came and told him, "you are crazy to fight. You are too old. You could die. You need to change. You need to stop fighting." Obviously, Rocky listened to this advice because it's the same advice he gave Apollo and then Apollo died. He realized his time in the ring has passed, and he went upstairs and went to bed. The end. Wrong! He's a fighter, and fighters don't change. All the robots and all the cars he got ain't for nothing except for the fighting. This, minus the robot part, is exactly what Apollo Creed said before his brain was smashed to death by Ivan Drago. Rocky stormed out of the house and proceeded to drive his "fancy" car while thinking of various scenes from the first three movies.
Then he went to Russia. Russia, being the far superior country, trained Ivan Drago and all of their super athletes (presumably) in a highly technological training center. Rocky, being a former meat locker employee in Philly, trained by cutting wood and running up mountains. They were so different. It really showed how modest our American culture was in the 80's.
Who would win? Before this movie came out, people weren't sure. The Russians were invading our country, everyone knew that, and obviously the first thing the Russians would do would try to become our heroes. Since the rumors of the Russian's rise to power were true, then it's fathomable they could have started their reign in Hollywood and taken out Rocky.
Not so fast communists! We still have a match to box. On to the squared circle!
Things looked bleak for Rocky at first, but then he started to fight back against the mighty Drago. You could actually see the crowd turning from American-hating communists into American-sympathizers who loved free trade! Hooray giant, soulless corporations and all you bring to our country under the guise of free enterprise.
Then, the speech. The speech that ended communism. The speech that someone somewhere wrote on a piece of paper. Then someone read that piece of paper and said, "Yep, this is the correct ending to a movie." Then they filmed that movie in a room with a lot, I mean A LOT, of people, and no one said, "Um, really? We're having Rocky end communism? In a speech about how he changed? He didn't change though. I know we're all totally high on cocaine right now, but this is a bad idea guys. Guys, why won't you listen to me! LISTEN TO ME! (*snort*)."
What a movie. What a franchise. I loved that they just got lazier and lazier each movie. There was absolutely no need to pretend to develop the characters in this movie, so they didn't. They just had them change moods for no reason and passed it off as character development.
I of course give this movie five thumbs up.
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