Tuesday, June 29, 2010

BEST OF THE 5Qs 2

As promised at the tail end of BEST OF THE 5Qs, the touching conclusion of Best of the Best inspired me to immediately queuuequequeqeeueueueueueueue up its imaginatively titled sequel, Best of the Best 2. It came in on the very same day that the good viceroy of West LA leant me the footage of the goings on at The Party at Kitty & Stud's. Having already expended quite a bit of energy getting all erotic'd up with Italian Stallion, I was having second thoughts about rocking another SoA double feature. However, when the netflix envelope told me this:


My fate was obviously sealed. And so I partook of the fantastical revenge of Alex and Tommy...


Who: Eric Roberts, once again, who at this point needs no introduction. I've been quite an Eric Roberts spree of late.
Who else: Phillip Rhee and Chris Penn reprise their roles from the original. James Earl Jones is out: these men are now trained qualified professionals- they don't need no coach! Instead we get a solid bevy of costars: Wayne Newton playing a gloriously over the top host of an underground Vegas fight scene held in "The Coliseum"; Ralf Moeller as Brakus, the big aryan badass who is the last obstacle in the way for any contender to become champion of The Coliseum; Meg Foster (you know her as Evil Lynn from SoA yet-to-be-reviewed-but-still-fave Masters of the Universe) as Alex' romantical interest; and Sonny Landham of Predator summit fame as Phillip's adopted brother who was once a promising fighter himself but is now a terrible drunkard following an accident.
What: BotB2 is based around Wayne's underground fight ring, where Eric's son watches Chris Penn die a publicly-prompted and rather grisly death at the hands of Brakus following Wayne's encouragement. Wanting the situation to be righted, Eric and Phillip then confront Wayne and Brakus, who deny all wrongdoing. In the disagreement Phillip busts Brakus' unblemished pate against a mirror, cutting a nice chunk out of his cheek. Now both sides have motivation: revenge!
When: The 90s, when people realized that making bright, glamorous, flashy movies in Vegas was a really brilliant idea. Relatively speaking, long enough after BotB for Eric and Phillip to have opened a successful karate studio in Vegas together.
Where: I think I've laid out pretty clearly that it happens in Vegas by now. The key action occurs in the aforementioned Coliseum, which is accessed through a series of secret tunnels which originate in the dance club of a hotel labeled "The Stock Exchange." All of the people who watch the fights are fancy, old, and clearly well-to-do with gambling interests in the combatants. Training scenes occur in the desert where Phillip's adoptive family and drunkard brother live.
Why: Revenge is a top-3 action movie plot.
How: A lot of high kicks, teamwork, and sweat. And some explosions for good measure.

What (subcategory Coliseum setup): The arrangement in the Coliseum is as such: after fighting through preliminary rounds, fighters then face three of the toughest fighters in the world. One of Wayne's unwritten rules is that the first person any contender fights in the Coliseum must be European and black. Its a good thing we only see Chris and Phil fight because I think that puts us pretty close to the limit on black euro dudes. Anyhow, if the contender beats all three 'gladiators', he fights Brakus. If he beats Brakus, the Coliseum becomes 'his' and he gets a very handsome $20M payday. Obviously as this would not be a great situation for Wayne, Brakus is an absolute freak and undefeated.

What (subcategory things that happen): Chris takes Eric's son off his hands so he can go pursue the whoopee with Meg Foster. Chris takes this impressionable 8 year old kid, who is pretty mean at the karate himself, to the Coliseum because tonight is the night he fights Brakus. This does not seem like a very savvy decision for an event to take a child to, but I can sympathize: I realized earlier this week when I told a 4 year old boy who asked how fast my motorcycle goes "75 miles an hour" that he has no concept of what that means and that I have no idea how to interface with young people. I probably wouldn't take a kid to a bloody fight, but having him sit in while I watch Italian Stallion might not be outside the realm of possibility.

What (subcategory back to the action): Eric's son claims that Brakus killed Chris, but Wayne and Brakus insist he walked out on his own to feet. When Chris is found face down in the lake at the Hoover Dam (or a really, really bad set painting thereof), Eric and Phil take the fight to Wayne's doorstep. After Phil busts open his precious face, Brakus' minions chase Eric and Phil out to the desert where they crash with Phil's adoptive family. Drunk Sonny, who had been sleeping on a car- not in, but on- picks a fight with Phil and then Eric, but not before throwing up in his mouth a little bit because he's so hungover/drunk. They beat him down pretty good, to the point of ripping his shirt open. This reveals a series of slashes on his stomach. Sonny: "My accident? It was Brakus. If you want to beat him, I am the only one who can train you." And so the training montage begins. But this time, its not all hand-to-hand: Sonny says to get through qualifying they're going to need to know how to fight with bows as well! (And we're talking the Donatello kind of bow, not the Robin Hood kind of bow, to be clear. Some might call it a staff.)

What (when shit gets good): After they've had enough time to train, Brakus' minions figure out where Eric and Phil are hiding. They storm the ranch, load Eric into their copter, and have one of their goons go into the house to kill Phil and his family. Naturally Phil, the highly skilled weapon that he is, disarms said goon, kills him, then shoots some dead rounds to make the others think the goon has killed everyone. To make sure everyone's done dead for good, they blow the whole damn place up. Thankfully they've all slipped into an escape hatch and don't get blown up. The stage is then set for Phil to enter the Coliseum, dispatch requisite black European gladiator, skip straight ahead to Brakus, hand fight to a draw then beat him good with sparking metal bows, and spare him from death at the last moment, just as he spared Dae Hun the Korean in BotB. This time, however, instead of it paying off as an appreciated act of honor, Brakus jumps back up and is about to get the best of Phil. Phil manages to get the jump on him, though, snaps Brakus' neck over his back, and then makes a horrible, shocked, wide-eyed look when he realizes he has killed him.

How (subcategory quality of the film): Spectacular. It's like Bloodsport, but allowable within the confines of Classic ~80s Action Month, with less mystical far-eastern philosophizing junk, and more awesome 90s Vegas footage. Enough cannot possibly be said about how great Wayne Newton is in his role as the Vegas hotshot slimeball promoter. The action scenes are great, and while its a shame for him to have to go, its best that we weren't subjected to another whole movie of Chris Penn, karate star. Very entertaining and should be required SoA viewing.

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