!!!

You're goddamn right we did

The Viceroy is so badass

Wish I'd worn black

The Deadly Chemical Medley part I

At the beginning of the Summer of Action, I had no idea who the hell Gary Daniels was or why he was being included in The Expendables. I'm still not sure who the hell he is or why etc. etc. I did find out, however, that in 1995 he was in a movie called Rage, in which the netflix blurb describes him as a school teacher who is "forced to consume a deadly chemical that causes extreme violence in those who ingest it." Since this sounded a lot like the premise of Crank I decided it would be fun to pull a "dangerous chemical which causes unruly, SoA-approved behavior" marathon. However, I already watched the original Crank because of this technically convincing piece on a site I dabbled with doing some writing for. Also, Dally-Wally and I, like all of my co-conspirators here, had a very detailed plan of who was going to watch which movies. Right. That's it.

So, here in part I of The Deadly Chemical Medley I will discuss Rage. Wasn't Dally-Wally's flambeing of Crank part I? you ask. Well, he didn't call it The Deadly Chemical Medley part I now, did he? DID HE? If you're that worried about continuity, just think of it as the prelude.

It's clear from the outset of RAGE (starring Gary Daniels) that his character, Alex, is a little too happy with life for things to go well for him. He appears to be happy with his job as a 2nd grade teacher wherein he gets to hold forth with bizarre, winding discourses all day. At the start of the lesson it appears as though he's teaching the children to read by writing the word "Monkey" on the board.

Lost opportunities

Why have I never seen Riot before? Because it was never made directly available to me. What situatino would have made it directly available to me? If TBS was always showing it in the middle of the afternoon so I could watch fights while taking a nap or recovering from a hangover. Why did TBS not buy the rights to it? Apparently the budget of showing Very Funny reruns all the time did not allow them to spend $120 to purchase the rights to show Riot.

Here are the great in a Saturday-afternoon-as-a-child-or-adult-drifting-in-and-out-of-consciousness-great way things about Riot:

• Importantly it stars Gary Daniels, who, when he appears in The Expendables, will make everyone 90s action movie fans say, "Hey it's the 17th biggest action draw of the 90s! I'm so glad he's in this movie and not Jean Claude Van Damme or Steven Seagal!"

With so much to offer, you can't afford to miss it!

Ever wanted to know who Gary Daniels, costar of The Expendables, is? Watch The Fist of the North Star!

Ever wanted to know what happened to Rufio after Hook? Watch The Fist of the North Star!

Ever wanted to see another Chris Penn movie during the Summer of Action? Watch The Fist of the North Star!

Ever wanted to see how 90s filmmakers would do at making adaptations of graphic novels? Watch The Fist of the North Star!

Ever need a Downtown Julie Brown fix and can't get your hands on Club MTV tapes? Watch The Fist of the North Star!