Day 0 Marathon: Part II

Herein lies the second installment of my SoA-day marathon. If Viceroy would get back to me already I'd buy my ticket and guarantee that I was going to see the action sensation of the decade at midnight tonight, but at this rate it might be sold out (or I might be passed out) by the time I hear from him. Anyhow, in this edition I do a semi-liveblog/stream of consciousness thing as I watch Commando.

Well, thanks to JAY!! and his disappoint about how we didn't become an international phenomenon (hey, is the day the movie comes out too late for it to happen? Couldn't the movie spurn a heightened national interest in reading snappy blog posts about 20+ year old movies?) I missed the opening sequence to Arnold's Commando. But I made it in time to learn this: its a good thing the Gov and The Skeleton of Something That Used To Be A Kennedy never procreated. First, Arnold nearly axes his teenage daughter in half after catching her sneaking up on him in his ax blade. Then he's the father in The Most Awkward Father/Daugher Montage in Cinema History. Now it doesn't help that young Alyssa Milano (here in only her second big screen appearance- well before blossoming in Who's The Boss?) wasn't nearly as cute as mature (but reputedly very short) Alyssa Milano, but most of the blame falls on Arnold for being too big and muscular to be a believeable playful dad.

Actioned Out. Almost. Almost Actioned Out.

When we started this blog, I had huge, realistic hopes. Here's what I figured: similar to an 80's action hero, this blog would start with meager beginnings--the occasional post, the occasional reference to porn, the occasional picture of Jean Claude in a frighteningly small mankini--but through sheer force of will we'd develop a small but loyal Following. The Following would obviously include all the pretty girls at our high schools. Then a bigger, stronger blog would get so mad at us it'd embarrass us by posting mean comments or something. The pretty girls would walk away from us. We'd be a disgrace. Then Dave, clearly our weakest link, would come out of nowhere with a Judo Chop blog about something awesome. He'd probably put in some pictures too, because that's Dave. Then the Goob would wipe off the sting of his comment slap and write an epic recap of First Blood. People would cheer. We'd regroup. We'd do so much better than the bigger, stronger blog that we'd win back the pretty girls, and the patsies from the other blog would end up being embarrassed in front of their high schools. They'd probably have food and drinks spilled on them. Jerks. The nation would rejoice.

Unfortunately, that did not happen. We did not develop our grass roots following. Also, I ran out of steam. It turns out action movies are good in small doses. Unless Jean Claude is in them. Then they are awesome in all doses but zero. Zero is an unfortunate dose of Jean Claude. I think I last wrote about Scorpion King 2. Since then I've watched two movies, but oh such glorious plans I had: